A) All those peppy types who love school spirit, pep rallies & all that stuff that I was at "doctors appointments" during.
OR
B) All the people who were super duper popular back in high school (or thought they were) wanting to show off whatever became of them.
I'm not sorry I wasn't invited, even though with as many social media outlets these days, you'd think whoever organized such an event could find you...anyway, it's irrelevant now seeing as how we are one year past the celebrated 10 year high school reunion thing. This isn't really about a reunion though...
It's about how people I knew then have changed beyond anything I'd have ever expected. The majority I would say changed themselves for the better, if you're looking at it in that way, that is. That being said, the other way I've looked at it is with a "Really? Seriously?" kind of attitude towards some of these seemingly now "god fearing" people. How do girls who were sluts go on to quote bible verses? You found god? Great, grand! Don't get me wrong, that's a great thing, finding god or whatever religion or faith one needs to change themselves and better their lives. My annoyance stems from how I, personally, was treated in high school by these people. Hateful, cruel, rude, just plain MEAN things said and done to me...why is it that some of the people who claim to be so Christian-like are the most judgmental?
This is something that has confused me and angered me for years about the religion I was raised with. My mother, especially, is incredibly judgmental but goes to church every weekend and on every holy day. I have never been criticized more by another person than my mother, not to say I'm the only one she or these others judge harshly. I just tend to focus more on her judgement through the years because, after all, she is my mother. My mother judges everyone. By looks, by employment, by sexuality, by religion, etc. You name it, she could find something wrong with it.
I believe my issues with people and social situations is indirectly, if not directly, related to the way my mother treated me when I was young. My paranoia is something that I can only wish didn't exist; a fear that people do not like me, think something is wrong with me, etc. It's debilitating at times, and I will actually choose to stay home instead of going out with actual friends because I am far too worried to be around anyone else.
I've gotten a lot better over the last few years, I'm more independent and a lot more grown up. My anxieties about certain things have certainly decreased, but my anxiety, sadness and anger over my mother remains. I can't seem to shake that, and maybe that's because she is my mother and you're not supposed to feel that way about your mom...
As for those kids, now adults, now mothers and fathers, that I went to school with it still shocks me when I see what they're up to on social media. The Facebook post that is a bible verse from a person who was less than holy (or chaste) when I knew them in real life (we didn't have Facebook back then). There are also the ones who have clearly taken a different path in life, a path of drugs and I don't even know what else. And then there are my favorites- the people who treated me in such foul ways, then want to be "friends" on social media outlets. Part of me wants to reply with, "Are you kidding? Do you not remember the time you slammed my skull against a concrete stage floor in junior high?". And, "Did you forget how you used to drop cookies or other food down the back of shirt and then give me a great big SMACK on the back so I'd have a shirt full of crumbs?", "Do you have amnesia and can't recall when you tried to constantly choke me when you'd get me alone?"
They don't "remember", they don't apologize. People who think they are better than everyone else and go along through life bullying others never "remember" who they hurt...
This became a lot more than I intended it to be. And typically no one reads my blog posts anyway, so I guess I'm apologizing to myself.
P.S. I'm not bitter at all.
Location:Edgewater Dr,Lakewood,United States
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